Where are you now - Kordell Stewart???

In what will become a semi-regular feature on IWIWAR we look into the past to find a once famous player for the Steelers who has now fallen off the face of the earth and find out what they are up to. This feature will be meticulously fact checked and cross referenced.*

Kordell Stewart aka Slash is the first honoree of this feature. Kordell burst onto the scene in Pittsburgh and was part of the 1995 Super Bowl Losing AFC Championship Team in the Slash role, where he would play every single position on the field including offensive tackle. He even acted as a go-between for Las Vegas “investors” and Neil O’Donnell. In 1997 he was able to wrest the starting job from the immortal Mike Tomczak and was allowed to really feature his best strength - wild inconsistency. After many years of superior play, the young man was shockingly beat out by the immortal Kent Graham. Fortunately he had comprising photographs of Bill Cowher, which were used to guarantee that the Steelers would only bring mediocre quarterbacks into training camp, ensuring that when Kent finally got hurt Kordell was there to step into the breach and tease Steelers fans once again. He finally lost his job with the Steelers in 2002 to the legendary passer/insurance agent/PGA wannabe Tommy Maddox. Stewart had productive stints with both the Bears and the Ravens after that but he was never able to take an entire fan base on his emotional roller coaster again. So Kordell, where are you now?

Kordell was featured on the hit television show “Pros vs. Joes” on Spike TV, although there was some confusion about his role on the show, was he a Joe or a Pro. It was finally nailed down that he was a Pro and Kordell proceeded to demolish the PVJ record for interceptions in a season. From there Kordell moved on to an adult reality show called Pros vs. Johns where he was able to really let loose. Unfortunately, Kordell’s long-time life partner, radio personality Mark Madden, couldn’t handle the jealousy so Kordell was forced to quit. Kordell now spends most of his time inside a Pittsburgh row house that he and Mark are renovating, not venturing outside much due to a mysterious fungus that has taken over his entire face, making him virtually unrecognizable. In his spare time he likes to play with their three cats and go for cars rides with Mark.

*Not fact checked even a little bit

Catching Up on the News

A quick recap of the last few days in Steeler Nation:

Kevan Barlow officially signed his contract. Or should I call him KEY-van. (Post-Gazette)

The Steelers released linebacker Richard Seigler yesterday. Apparently he played in the final two games last season. However, I don't think his on-field actions had anything to do with his release. Maybe this was the reason? (Post-Gazette)

Obsessed with Ike Taylor like David is? Then buy his 1986 Monte Carlo! (Mondesi's House)

Rocky Bleier's high school is naming its football field after him.

The Steelers are fighting Don Barden's Majestic Star casino plans for the North Side. While I don't think they'll get anywhere with their arguments, it is a bit worrisome to see that Barden's casinos lost $4.6 million in the first quarter of 2007. That's the biggest loss for a casino company since Danny Ocean robbed Terry Benedict.

Even Canadian mobsters who shoot men in the testicles are Steeler fans. Actually, if this guy wanted to hide out, he should've just come to the Steel City. A 40-something Italian guy wearing a Steelers sweatshirt? He could've hidden out for years!

Alan's Pulling Guard Out of Town

Pro Bowler Alan Faneca made it official today - he wants out of Pittsburgh. Faneca reported to the team's mandatory minicamp (along with Troy Polamalu and Clark Haggans, who had also missed the voluntary session a few weeks ago) but expressed his displeasure with the team and said he wants to be traded. That seems unlikely to me, because if the Steelers were going to deal Faneca, I'd imagine that he'd have been gone by the time of the NFL Draft in late April. No matter how you look at it, this is not a good start for Mike Tomlin.

Side Note: Check out the P-G's caption of the photo of Faneca and new o-line coach Larry Zierlein in that story that I linked to above. Glares? Really?


YouTube Clip of the Week

Charlie Batch takes his paper football very seriously.

Maddox Fails Again

Tommy Maddox failed yesterday in his attempt to qualify for the U.S. Open golf tournament. Maddox shot a 75 and finished at 4-over when the cutoff for the next round of qualifiers was 3-under. My favorite part of the story?

"Maddox, 35, of Springlake, Texas, who entered as a professional golfer because he cashed checks from celebrity and mini-tour events, wasn't the only pro athlete at Hackberry. Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo shot a 72."

Two things here - 1. Tommy has been cashing the small checks from mini-tour events, presumably back in his insurance salesman days when he HAD to just to pay the bills. And 2. Romo is still an active NFL player and by his estimate plays just once a week, and he beat Tommy.

So much for those Champions Tour dreams, Tommy. What's the over/under on when his Super Bowl ring is on eBay? 2011?


San Quentin Loves the Steelers!

One of the death row inmates at California's notorious San Quentin prison professes his love for the Black and Gold. (CounterPunch)

Mark your calendars for Thursday, May 17 - Male teachers from the Penn Hills School District challenge your Pittsburgh Steelers to a hoops contest. (Tribune Review)

The assault charges against Deshea Townsend were dropped. No word on whether Townsend plans to press assault charges against every opposing wideout for beating him throughout the 2006 season. (Tribune Review)

The Steelers announced a partnership with Ticketmaster that will allow season ticket holders to unload tickets they can't use. Pearl Jam is disappointed with the deal. (Ticket News)

Tale of Two Cities

Courtesy of Mondesi's House is this outstanding image which shows the difference between a pair of AFC North franchises.

Welcome Back to the 'Burgh, KEY-van?

According to ESPN's John Clayton (ESPN Insider subscription required), the Steelers are close to an agreement with former Pitt star Kevan Barlow. Here's what Clayton has to say about the situation:

"Both sides are considering a one-year deal that will enable Barlow, a former star running back at Pitt, to return to the facility he trained at while in college. The Steelers' headquarters is next to the Pitt practice field on the South Side of Pittsburgh.

Barlow had been a consideration for the Titans, Packers and a few other teams, but offers were slow coming. The Steelers have been looking for a big back to pair next to Willie Parker. If things work out, Barlow could be a Steeler as early as Tuesday."

Hey, its not Darrelle Revis, but it'll do, right? I always had mixed feelings on Barlow when he was a Pitt Panther, mainly due to the fact that he said his named was pronounced "Key-van", according to media guides at the time. But after going to the NFL, he dropped that and just went by the normal pronunciation. Strange.

I do think Barlow could be a good fit as another option in the backfield along with Fast Willie and Deuce Davenport, as long as he doesn't compare Mike Tomlin to Adolf Hitler.

Wait - What?

Justin Heckert wrote a story for ESPN.com about the guy who imitated Jerame Tuman, Brian St. Pierre, and Ben Roethlisberger to get chicks and to make money. Two things strike me about this story, this guy looks nothing like Roethlisberger, Tuman, or St. Pierre. I mean nothing; in fact he is a fat slob, who looks like an idiot.

The second thing that popped out is how stupid these chicks were. Heckert goes out of his way to justify how they were tricked and how he tricked the girl who thought he was Tuman into giving him over $3000. Girls, if you are allegedly dating a professional football player you should not have to give him money no matter what story he tells you. Even the bad ones make a lot of money.

Another great part of the story is that this guy got busted by the girl who thought he was St. Pierre because he told her to look for him on TV; she did and saw it wasn’t him.
Just great stuff all around. And ladies, good job on shoring up the reputation of Pittsburgh girls the world after I thought this girl had already done that job.