Where are you now - Kordell Stewart???

In what will become a semi-regular feature on IWIWAR we look into the past to find a once famous player for the Steelers who has now fallen off the face of the earth and find out what they are up to. This feature will be meticulously fact checked and cross referenced.*

Kordell Stewart aka Slash is the first honoree of this feature. Kordell burst onto the scene in Pittsburgh and was part of the 1995 Super Bowl Losing AFC Championship Team in the Slash role, where he would play every single position on the field including offensive tackle. He even acted as a go-between for Las Vegas “investors” and Neil O’Donnell. In 1997 he was able to wrest the starting job from the immortal Mike Tomczak and was allowed to really feature his best strength - wild inconsistency. After many years of superior play, the young man was shockingly beat out by the immortal Kent Graham. Fortunately he had comprising photographs of Bill Cowher, which were used to guarantee that the Steelers would only bring mediocre quarterbacks into training camp, ensuring that when Kent finally got hurt Kordell was there to step into the breach and tease Steelers fans once again. He finally lost his job with the Steelers in 2002 to the legendary passer/insurance agent/PGA wannabe Tommy Maddox. Stewart had productive stints with both the Bears and the Ravens after that but he was never able to take an entire fan base on his emotional roller coaster again. So Kordell, where are you now?

Kordell was featured on the hit television show “Pros vs. Joes” on Spike TV, although there was some confusion about his role on the show, was he a Joe or a Pro. It was finally nailed down that he was a Pro and Kordell proceeded to demolish the PVJ record for interceptions in a season. From there Kordell moved on to an adult reality show called Pros vs. Johns where he was able to really let loose. Unfortunately, Kordell’s long-time life partner, radio personality Mark Madden, couldn’t handle the jealousy so Kordell was forced to quit. Kordell now spends most of his time inside a Pittsburgh row house that he and Mark are renovating, not venturing outside much due to a mysterious fungus that has taken over his entire face, making him virtually unrecognizable. In his spare time he likes to play with their three cats and go for cars rides with Mark.


*Not fact checked even a little bit

Maddox Fails Again

Tommy Maddox failed yesterday in his attempt to qualify for the U.S. Open golf tournament. Maddox shot a 75 and finished at 4-over when the cutoff for the next round of qualifiers was 3-under. My favorite part of the story?

"Maddox, 35, of Springlake, Texas, who entered as a professional golfer because he cashed checks from celebrity and mini-tour events, wasn't the only pro athlete at Hackberry. Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo shot a 72."

Two things here - 1. Tommy has been cashing the small checks from mini-tour events, presumably back in his insurance salesman days when he HAD to just to pay the bills. And 2. Romo is still an active NFL player and by his estimate plays just once a week, and he beat Tommy.

So much for those Champions Tour dreams, Tommy. What's the over/under on when his Super Bowl ring is on eBay? 2011?

Faneca Skips Minicamp

Alan Faneca didn't show up for Mike Tomlin's first minicamp today. Though the workout is voluntary, that's never a good sign for a team leader with a new coach. I must say, though, I'd be a lot more worried if Faneca's rants in the past had come to fruition. Remember, after all, that he is the one who criticized Ben Roethlisberger when he first moved into the starting role, and if he had his way, Tommy Maddox's front yard would probably have a lot more trash on it.