5/11/2007

Where are you now - Kordell Stewart???


In what will become a semi-regular feature on IWIWAR we look into the past to find a once famous player for the Steelers who has now fallen off the face of the earth and find out what they are up to. This feature will be meticulously fact checked and cross referenced.*

Kordell Stewart aka Slash is the first honoree of this feature. Kordell burst onto the scene in Pittsburgh and was part of the 1995 Super Bowl Losing AFC Championship Team in the Slash role, where he would play every single position on the field including offensive tackle. He even acted as a go-between for Las Vegas “investors” and Neil O’Donnell. In 1997 he was able to wrest the starting job from the immortal Mike Tomczak and was allowed to really feature his best strength - wild inconsistency. After many years of superior play, the young man was shockingly beat out by the immortal Kent Graham. Fortunately he had comprising photographs of Bill Cowher, which were used to guarantee that the Steelers would only bring mediocre quarterbacks into training camp, ensuring that when Kent finally got hurt Kordell was there to step into the breach and tease Steelers fans once again. He finally lost his job with the Steelers in 2002 to the legendary passer/insurance agent/PGA wannabe Tommy Maddox. Stewart had productive stints with both the Bears and the Ravens after that but he was never able to take an entire fan base on his emotional roller coaster again. So Kordell, where are you now?

Kordell was featured on the hit television show “Pros vs. Joes” on Spike TV, although there was some confusion about his role on the show, was he a Joe or a Pro. It was finally nailed down that he was a Pro and Kordell proceeded to demolish the PVJ record for interceptions in a season. From there Kordell moved on to an adult reality show called Pros vs. Johns where he was able to really let loose. Unfortunately, Kordell’s long-time life partner, radio personality Mark Madden, couldn’t handle the jealousy so Kordell was forced to quit. Kordell now spends most of his time inside a Pittsburgh row house that he and Mark are renovating, not venturing outside much due to a mysterious fungus that has taken over his entire face, making him virtually unrecognizable. In his spare time he likes to play with their three cats and go for cars rides with Mark.


*Not fact checked even a little bit

6 comments:

Dieter said...

I don't know this blog nor the blogger but I find the message about Kordell Stewart to be offensive.

I was tying to research Stewart and found this site. I don't know who the poster is but I attempted to authenticate what was written and I feel that the article is malicious.

I found another blog where Stewart was mentioned and again I found malice.

I use to believe Pittsburgh was a cool place but now I have nothing good to say about it. I used to think you were treated poorly by the steel companies but I think you all deserve whatever you got.

Anonymous said...

You are a sicko! It's so easy to put the blame on Stewart. You are ridiculous and if you would try to improve your own life maybe you could be happy. Your life must really suck.

Anonymous said...

Whoever wrote this is an ignorant moron who doesn't understand what the word humor means. Get a fucking clue dude, you should probably be shot by the governemnt or taken to some remote island where you can't be heard from again because I don't want you clouding up the gene pool. IDIOT

Fana said...

Dry balls

morgan said...

I also don't know this blog, nor the blogger, but I find the message about Kordell Stewart to be hilarious.

Slash was my very favorite player as a kid, but this clearly isn't meant to be a factual account of his career and time since. It's a joke. We had a lot of talent on the team during the Slash era, but never really did anything with it. That's all.

The guy was a head case. When he thought he was good, he was awesome. When he started to question himself, he sucked.

And know this about Pittsburgh: You may not like this sense of humor, but Pittsburgh is a great place. And this is how it is. If you don't like something, call it out and deal with the consequences. Don't just whine behind everyone's backs and never actually deal with your problem. That's all this guy is doing. Calling out Kordell for wasting his time.

Nick said...

I guess this was supposed to be funny. That's what is sad.