Monster.com wasn't an option?

Those of you who know me know that I'm unemployed at the moment, save for some temporary work that really does me no good at all. While I generally prefer the term "between jobs", that doesn't change the fact that currently I don't have any income. And yes, that means that this blog is in fact earning me $0 per week. So with this change in employment status, I've been frequenting job boards across the Internet. I have a background in sports from a couple of my previous jobs, so one of the sites I check out regularly is TeamWork Online. I was on the site yesterday for the first time in a few weeks, and there are quite a few interesting jobs listed. Here are just a couple of the ones that caught my eye:

Administrative Assistant, Practice Facility - Madison Square Garden (Tarrytown, NY)
Given the events of the past few weeks, MSG may not be the best place to go to work these days. Unless, of course, you're a female who is willing to sleep with the Knicks (or their cousins) in order to get promoted. In that case, by all means, apply for it.

Director of Player Personnel - Houston Rockets (Houston, TX)
This position will be responsible for evaluation of NBA, minor league, NCAA, international players. The evaluations will be used for free-agent, draft, and trade purposes.

Wait, wait? This is really posted online? Isn't this one of those jobs where the GM/President of Basketball Operations calls around to his buddies and gets a recommendation? Are qualified candidates for this position actually checking this site and wondering if they should apply?

Executive Assistant - Washington Redskins (Washington, DC)
Please tell me this involves working directly for Dan Snyder. If I got this job, would it be possible for me to convince him to give me a raise despite me doing nothing to earn it? Or would I need to be 45 years old for him to hire me?

EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT - Los Angeles Dodgers (Los Angeles, CA)
Does this involve lining up the whores for Tommy Lasorda? Oh yes, I'm sorry. Escorts.

Executive Director - USA Water Ski (Polk City, FL)
I know that the ad asks for it, but is it really necessary to have seven years of experience to run the USA Water Ski organization? Corey Feldman's character, Ricky Wade, in Meatballs 4 had only been to camp for like two summers before he mastered it.

Quarterback - Atlanta Falcons (Atlanta, GA)
Okay, I made that one up. But there are job openings with the Falcons on the site. Maybe Joey Harrington can work for the team's Community Relations office next year. I would suggest Byron Leftwich, too, but I can see him parking his car at 8:30 a.m. and not making it to his desk until 3:30 p.m. Unless of course his linemen from Marshall came to carry him.


Week Five - Steelers 21, Seahawks 0

Seattle fans can't complain about the officiating in this game. But they might find fault with their team's pathetic effort. Facing a Steeler squad missing Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes, Troy Polamalu and Casey Hampton, the Seahawks put up a goose egg on the scoreboard as the Steelers dominated time of possession en route to the first-ever shutout at Heinz Field.

The Good
Ben Roethlisberger looked like the 2004-05 version of himself. He was efficient (18 of 22, no interceptions), confident and made some great throws on the run. Najeh Davenport had an outstanding afternoon, while Fast Willie Parker put up another 100-yard game. The drive to start the second half (over 10 minutes long) was a thing of beauty. And the defense -- what else can you say about a shutout? Without blitzing very much, the Steeler D was still able to pressure Matt Hasselbeck and the coverage was outstanding. Ike Taylor's interception at the goal line to end the first half was a game-changer.

The Bad
Allen Rossum fumbled one punt and had another go off of his hands and then go out of bounds. It was great when Rossum ran the kickoff back for a touchdown against San Francisco a few weeks ago, but it also seems to have given him a false sense of security with regards to trying to run every kick or punt back, regardless of the situation. He needs to fair catch a few more of those punts instead of trying to make something happen.

The Ugly
Seattle's third-down defense against the Pittsburgh offense was awful. And so was the Seahawk effort throughout the game. It is hard to believe that Shaun Alexander was the MVP of the NFL just a few years ago. He looked a step slower every time he ran the ball. And Elizabeth Hasselbeck could have had more success at quarterback than her brother-in-law Matt had on Sunday.

Up Next: The Steelers are off this week before traveling to Denver the following week.

The Italian-American Pro Bowl Squad

In honor of Columbus Day, and with both of your bloggers here at IWIWAR being proud Italian-Americans, we proudly present to you a 22-man NFL squad made up entirely of active players with Italian ancestry. They could probably beat the Dolphins, right? And maybe the Rams?

QB - Brian Griese (backup - Vinny Testaverde)
Griese gets the nod solely for his play in the second half of last night's win over Green Bay. And why not make Testaverde the backup? He's accustomed to the role, that's for sure.

RB - Travis Henry - I know he's not technically Italian, but you can't tell me that one of his nine children isn't at least part-Italian. Close enough.

WR - Greg Camarillo - Sure, he hasn't made it on the stat sheet yet this year for Miami. But he went to Stanford, and that's a powerhouse program, right, USC?

WR - Bobby Sippio - This Kansas City Chief would provide a nice 6-foot-3 target for Griese (or Vinny) to go to. Just disregard the fact that he's a 26-year old rookie. No big deal.

TE - Anthony Fasano - A Jersey kid who went to Notre Dame. That'll be big for drawing fan support for this fake team. If he didn't play behind Jason Witten he could be putting up big numbers for the Cowboys.

TE - Liro Luoto - Since there was a lack of running backs to use, we're going to go with two tight ends in the starting lineup. And how could we pass on Liro Luoto? Maybe he wasn't good enough to make the Jets roster this year (uh-oh) but c'mon, with a name like that? Okay, fine, he's apparently from Finland. We'll change this choice to Christian Fauria then.

LT - Jason Fabini - A starter for most of the past 10 years in the league, Fabini anchors our line at left tackle.

LG - Chris Naeole - Another decade-long starter, Naeole plays left guard for us.

C - Dominic Raiola - This might be the most legitimate player on the team at this point, which isn't a great sign.

RG - Alan Faneca - The perennial Pro Bowler is used to being on the left side with the Steelers, but he's versatile enough that he can fill our void on the right side. Oh, and I'm not even sure he's Italian. Sounds close enough, though.

RT - Richie Incognito - He's a big, crazy man, which is great for the offensive line.

DE - Mike Devito - He's a Maine Black Bear for God's sake. What else do you need to know??

NG - Ryan Boschetti - The four-year vet has had some productive seasons with Washington since entering the league out of UCLA.

DE - Ryan LaCasse - Our first Brooklyn native, Ryan is on the waiver wire right now waiting for some NFL team to snatch him up.

LB - Tedy Bruschi - Tedy is equal parts Filipino and Italian, and that's good enough to make this squad.

LB - John DiGiorgio - Coming from Saginaw Valley State and playing for Buffalo might mean that you've never heard of DiGiorgio. But he has 25 tackles and a half-sack in the first three games.

LB - Vinny Ciurciu - Another Jersey guy, though his status as a Boston College alum might put him at odds with any Golden Domers on the team.

LB - Jon Abbate - One of the main reasons that Wake Forest (first Demon Deacon football player to ever turn pro early) made a BCS bowl last year, Abbate is now toiling with the Texans, who are trying to move him from LB to fullback. But we're keeping him on defense.

CB - Ray Ventrone - He had two tackles for the Pats against Minnesota in week 2 last year, making him eminently qualified to start at DB on this team.

CB - Matt Giordano - The Cal grad had an 83-yard INT return for a score against New Orleans in this year's season opener.

FS - Jon Corto - Is it a bad sign when there are multiple Buffalo Bills on the squad?

SS - Sabby Piscatelli - I can't find much about this guy at all. But his last name is definitely Italian and he's played in three games for Tampa Bay this year.

K - Adam Vinatieri - No debate here. The only Hall of Famer on this list.

P - Saverio Rocca - The Eagles' punter is actually from Australia with Italian descent, but it was either him or Daniel Sepulveda, who I'm fairly certain is not a paisan.

Special Teams - Larry Izzo - Of course we're making the starters play on special teams, too, but we have one guy who is a certified special teams expert.

Head Coach - Lee Corso - That's the only way to guarantee any coverage from the Worldwide Leader.

Assistant Coaches - Mike D'Antoni (the man's a genius, right?!?), Steve Mariucci, Jay Paterno (so I could fire him), Tom Izzo (friend of Mariucci's), Rick Pitino (if we're adding hoops coaches, why not?)

So there you have it. In honor of Columbus Day, there's your Italian-American Pro Bowl squad.